Meet Guffy!

Meet Guffy, our beloved vacuum at Delve. While Guffy rids a room of dust and dirt, we often come across people who rid the room of positive energy and good vibrations. Such people are referred to as ‘mood hoovers.’

How incredible would it be if we could wave a magic wand and change the attitudes or behaviours of ‘mood hoovers’, especially if we must face them every day?

Alas, while that remains a dream, a more effective approach would be to focus on what is within your influence and control, instead of wasting your energy on trying to change them.

What can you control?

“Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase. Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

In the spirit of working towards focusing on the circle of influence, here are three powerful approaches to help you deal with ‘mood hoovers’ (people who focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern) at work:

Re-frame your conversation

While the best antidote to ‘mood hoovers’  is complete avoidance, this is often impossible or can lead to people feeling disrespected. We want to set boundaries for our time and energy, but we also do not want to make people feel unheard or treat them with hostility.

To strike a balance, try making small tweaks to the conversation so that ‘mood hoovers’ are not given an opportunity to turn it into something negative.

For example, asking ‘how was your weekend’ leaves room for negativity to seep into the conversation. Instead asking ‘what was one thing about the weekend that you enjoyed the most?’ forces the person to pick something positive to discuss.

Be frank about the impact it is having on you

If your mood hoover is not just someone you pass in the hallway but is someone you must work closely with, the most effective approach with long term benefits for your mental health is to have a courageous conversation with them.

Use humour to diffuse the situation if required but remember to be clear and firm while outlining the impact their negativity has had on you. It always helps to have specific instances/past scenarios of the same to help the person understand the severity of their impact on you.

Look into feedback models such as the onion model to ensure that you do not attack their values while giving them constructive feedback. Here are a few other models to help you structure your feedback in a way that is non-threatening to the individual receiving it:

• BOCA (Behaviour, Outcome, Consequences, Action)
• The Non-Violent Communication model (I saw you do X; my reaction is Y; what I would like to see instead is Z)

Signposting

Often ‘mood hoovers’ are people who just want someone to lend an ear to their problems. It is important to empathise with our colleagues but recognising when they are starting to impact your health is just as important.

Remember that your role is not to counsel them or offer advice. Instead, what you could do is signpost them to helpful resources or your organisations mental health support team.

You may even be able to anticipate what your difficult colleague is going to complain about (health issues, problems with management etc). This is a good opportunity for you to proactively find out what would be the most helpful resource to use/ person to speak to regarding this issue and swiftly signpost them to the same.

Delve a little deeper!

Our Delvers are experienced leaders, we know what it takes to get the best out of people.

We can design a bespoke leadership programme relevant to your business and its unique challenges. Our programmes are practical and anchored to reality so that your leaders can apply fresh thinking to the challenges they face. Contact us to know more.