Up until the point where the Government finally delivered the so called facts about the latest national lockdown and I started to hope that Chris Whitty got a slide clicker for Christmas, I reflected on the fact that we had been sitting there for 2 hours surrounded by some sort of thick anticipative porridge, which quite frankly ruined our Saturday night. The room was filled with all sorts of emotion; fear, anxiety, anger, and a little sadness on my part when I realised my birthday would be in lockdown. The result was 2 hours waiting in a state of anxious anticipation, speculating on what might be.
One of the downsides of being human is our ability to worry about the future. We think we are all amazing fortune tellers and when there is uncertainty, we create scenario after scenario in our heads about what might happen. It’s the speculation that sometimes causes the problem and it wears you out.
Speculation is a trait that is useful to us humans, it keeps us safe, it allows us to predict and therefore plan or avoid potential dangers. Sometimes speculation can be a positive experience, we don’t always want to know what happens in the end, for example, we don’t rush to the end of our favourite Netflix series or read the last page in a book. But when we don’t keep it in check, we can end up catastrophising and then find it hard to gain any perspective.
Jud Brewer in Harvard Business Review (March 2020) says ‘while fear helps us to survive, when mixed with uncertainty, it can lead to something quite bad for our mental health: anxiety. And when anxiety is spread by social contagion, it can lead to something more problematic: panic’.
How do we keep perspective?
- Don’t fuel the social contagion: One leader I was coaching this week explained how she was dreading getting together with all her friends over Zoom at the weekend, she described how it would be an hour of sharing horror stories about the pandemic, uncertainty about jobs and the economy and knew it would leave her feeling anxious and drained. It is important to catch up with friends but when you surround yourself with other anxious people, it’s the equivalent of going to a chicken pox party. Everyone’s own version of events whether factual or not will be virtually sneezed all over you and spread. Calmness and kindness is just as easy to catch so spread that instead.
- Limit your social media and news time: You don’t have to be physically surrounded by anxious people to catch the social contagion, constantly staying connected to your phone will do it for you. Let’s face it, most of the news is also speculation unless it’s a formal government announcement, and no one is sharing any happy stories, so limit your access and don’t share anything that may be untrue, unkind or leave others feeling anxious. People do not want to catch it.
- Turn up for each day: Let the tears fall when they need to, you are human after all, but recognise when the tears are for something you may have speculated on, imagined, or predicted in your crystal ball. We haven’t got enough information to plan for the future so all you can do is bring your best self to each day.
Surround yourself with positivity, listen to Baz Luhrmann – Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen to put things into perspective, seize your moments of joy when they happen and remember that nothing stays bad forever.
It’s good to talk. The Delvers are here if you want a chat.